I Still Love Him.....

Hello. . . Life sucks for me again.... Ronnie dumped me, and I still love him with all of my heart... I'm crying.... I'm so upset, I can't stand it.. I don't know what to do anymore.... I love that boy as much as I did when we together, and he dumped me over a month ago..... November 14th was the worst day of my life..... Out of everything that has ever happened to me. . . nothing has hurt me as much as this....... I just wish someone could help...........

-...The heart is dead, just kill the body...-

I MISSED YOU!!!

hey everyone. i haven't been on here forever! how is everyone. i'm doing fabulous. ;) ronnie has made my life soooo much better in all the ways possible. i'm going to marry that boy one day. :) i know for sure this time he's the one. he's propsed to me andf everything. i love him more than anything in the world and he's gave me hope for this life. i finally known what true happiness is. i know what love feels like. i've learned that cutting doesn't help. it hurts. :) i'm so happy lately i'm wearing so much more color than black and i always smile and dance and sing and enjoy life to its fullest. life is magical.... :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


-ashie-

Life is great! Live, Laugh, Love. It says it all. :)

I'm back everyone!!!! Omg! Life is so amazing. :) Things have gotten soo much better since my last post. I have a new guy now. His name is Ronnie. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met. He treats me like the princess I am. :) Lol.. Anyways! Life is so wonderful. Gosh I was such a silly girl. Life is so much better than I expected! Especially since I have my prince charming. Lol. Gah... Well anyways. Sorry this is going to be a short post, but I am going to try my best to post more often. I'm the chicka in the picture above. Lol. I had messy, unbrushed hair, and smeared eyeliner on. Lol. Let me know what ya think. ;) *I've learned to love myself as well. I think I'm very lovely now. :)* Can't wait til tomorrow. I'm going camping with Ronnie! Woo! Lol. Lots of love! Blessed be.

-Ashie (Ronnie's girl)-

Umm. . . .Hello?

Hello. I haven't been doing so jolly well lately. I've fallen in love so many times, and gotten hurt even more. . . Life isn't fair. It's extremely painful. Well anyways. . . I'll just post another one of my hopeless poems. . .
“Him”
Broken hearts take time to mend.
Loving emotions are hard to send.
I love him so deeply and true.
I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I deserve a hit and a shove.
I let go of the one I truly love.
His teasing smile melts my heart.
I’ve loved him from the very start.
Even though he’s a traitor and bad,
I want him so much that it makes me sad.
When he hugs me against his chest,
My heart starts beating louder than the rest.
He’s so loved and important to me.
I wish that he could only see.
I know that he can be a dick,
But he’s the one I love and pick.
I don’t want him to ever leave.
My heart always gets left to grieve.
His voice has that special charm,
Even though he could cause me a lot of harm.
When I’m with him, my heart starts to pound.
It blocks out almost any other sound.
I want so badly to be in his arms,
For him to protect me from other harms.
I want him to hold me tight and close,
As he gently nudges my nose.
I wish he would always be there,
To hold me, kiss me, love me, and show his care.
I made the worst mistake.
My love for him was never fake.
If only he could love me back,
My happiness would never lack.
My sorrow covers up my shame.
I wish my love could feel the same.
He’s really important in my life.
If only one day, I could be his wife.
I love him more than I can hold.
My emotions are starting to swiftly unfold.
I have loved others before,
But my love for him is so much more.
I love him now, I loved him then.
I will love him til the very end.



5/15/09



-Ash-

"Broken Hearts and Mending Scars"

Here is the longest poem I've ever written. It's eighty lines long. I write a lot of poetry. If anyone likes it, I'll post more, so let me know. Thanks. By the way: has a few cuss words. Just to let you know.


“Broken Hearts and Mending Scars”
The pain grows everyday.
Everyone you love tends to go away.
My heart’s been broken so much,
I long for a loving touch.
Is “broken hearted” a good way to put it?
I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck and then again hit.
Love is my misery, my joy, my pain.
It can really make you start to go insane.
No one but Pixie really seems to care.
Life is so heartless and unfair.
You tell someone you love that you’re sensitive, and they hurt you,
And they double over laughing.
You think they love you too?
Yeah. That sure shows you.
My broken heart
Is where the cutting began to start.
Pain makes you do things you don’t think about.
I used to just get mad and pout.
Now I cut my skin while I’m so upset I cry.
I wish every cut would make me die.
So I ask myself this: Are my scars really mending
Or are they getting deeper and never-ending?
Love isn’t a magical once in a lifetime chance.
It doesn’t make your heart do a little dance.
Love is misery and tears.
It blocks out your fears.
Falling in love isn’t great.
It’s more like a horrible fate.
Why are the people I love and date sometimes so cruel?
They treat you like you’re an in superior fool.
What I feel is really a shame.
I have no one to love and claim.
You take my heart,
Rip it, and tear it apart.
Nothing is the same anymore.
My arm and wrists are left burning and sore.
Sharp objects are like a toy.
They bring me much pleasure and joy.
Scars you can see aren’t the worst part.
Much worse is the ones on my heart.
They tend to never heal.
Love in return is something I never feel.
Emo scars make me smile.
That’s something I don’t do but once in a while.
When you love someone who hurts you bad
You shall see who is then sad.
But sad isn’t a word I can honestly use to describe what I feel
It makes my world turn to something unreal.
Crying is a part of my every waking day.
Cutting is what I do to feel joy and to pay.
People bitch and call me stupid.
What the fuck do I look like? Cupid?
I’m not a preppy little bitch.
They can just go take a hitch.
Most the friends I used to have are no more.
They stabbed me in the back and turned into a whore.
I only have a few people to love me and help and care.
Everyone else is to busy playing in their lover’s underwear.
All I want is to be truly loved.
Not my heart taken, stabbed, ripped, and shoved.
I know I’m very ugly,
But isn’t there more to me then that, that anyone can see?
I guess I’m meant to be alone,
And leave my love unshown.
Pain is just an essence of my being.
It leaves my heart dieing and bleeding.
Why can’t someone love only me?
I guess that’s never meant to be.
To have a broken heart
Isn’t good from the start.
You’re mad on the outside,
But down deep you’re hurt and depressed inside.
It’s something I will always feel,
And it will take time to truly, if ever, heal.
The mending scars distract from your pain
That a broken heart has made you gain.
The scars show up white, then bleed.
They set some of your pain out to be freed.
If someone truly loves you, don’t let them get away.
Love them and cherish them every single day.



-Ash-
4/27/09

Update On Life

Hello. . . Well..... thinkgs were getting better the last time I posted. Now they're not. Chelsie broke up with me for another girl two days after we started dating. I took it extremely hard. I cried my eyes out and cut myself.... again....... I have a bad habit of that. I don't know....., but I took this break up harder then any of my others. I have had like seven? Something like that..... For some reason me getting dumped by a girl is like the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Well one of the worst things. I'm just glad I had Pixie and Will to help me through it. . . . . Speaking of Pixie..... she's here now. She's asleep in my bed. She's so cute. I love her to death!!! I've been in love with her for a long time. She's the reason I turned bi to begin with, but she doesn't like me the same way. :/ Well anyways..... I think she's waking up now. I will post later. Bye. Blessed Be.
-Ash-

My New Girlfriend

Thanks for caring guys. Don't worry about me though. I'm fine. I actually had a great day. I got lots of hugs from Will, and I asked him if I could have a girlfriend, and he said yes. So now I'm dating Will and my new girlfriend. She's so hot. I love her to death. Her name is Chelsie. She's my first girlfriend so I'm pretty excited to date her, and see what happens. :) So yeah. Anyways. . . . . . I feel very loved. :)
-Ash